Of all the weird things that have happened this past year (30-50 feral hogs, the storming of Area 51, The Masked Singer), Miley Cyrus and Cody Simpson’s relationship might have been the oddest. Like, it was cute! They were sweet! But also, their whole thing came outta nowhere and went from 0 to 100 in five minutes.

Unfortunately, they’ve called it quits after almost a year together, but remember when Miley photographed herself with her hand down Cody’s pants? Or when they made their TikTok dance debut? Or, also important, when Cody’s rhyming alter ego PRINCE NEPTUNE wrote a sex poem in Miley’s honor?!

Anyway, in honor of their relationship (RIP), please carve out some time in your schedule for a quick deskside nap, because this sh*t is exhausting.

February 21, 2012

Cody does a video interview with Fuse and reveals that Miley is his celebrity crush:

“Miley Cyrus has always been my childhood celebrity crush,” he says. “I knew all the words to her songs, I’m not gonna lie. I’m not ashamed about it at all. I was a big Miley Cyrus fan and I think she will be forever the most dateable Disney star.”

December 7, 2015

Cody tells GQ Australia that he and Miley are BFFs, saying, “Miley is one of my best friends and she helps with some of that transitional stuff—trying to escape your childhood. She’s super open-minded and I’m working on becoming more like that.”

Like, sure. Okay.

September 21, 2019

Miley breaks off her short-lived relationship with The Hills star Kaitlynn Carter, who she dated immediately after splitting from Liam Hemsworth in August. People confirms the news, with a source saying, “Miley and Kaitlyn broke up. They’re still friends. They’ve been friends forever and were there for each other when they were both getting separated, but they’re just not in a romantic relationship anymore.”

October 3, 2019

In news literally not one single person could have seen coming, Miley is spotted kissing Cody Simpson at some random place called Backyard Bowls eatery. Naturally, TMZ gets a video:

October 5, 2019

Miley hits Instagram to confirm she’s dating Cody with THIS:

Then she reposts the video of herself and Cody kissing, writing, “Can a girl not get a f*cking acai bowl and morning make-out session in peace?!?! Lol sneaky ass.”

Clearly, she’s having fun with the whole thing, but then she takes a more serious note in this message to fans:

October 6, 2019

Cody hits Instagram Stories and fully calls Miley his “baby”:

So naturally, she trolls him:

October 7, 2019

Cody takes to his poetry Instagram, Prince Neptune, and writes a sexy love poem that fans assume is about Miley. And yes, the term “making love” is used, so sorry to your eyeballs.

October 12, 2019

Cody’s sister, Alli, loses all her chill and reportedly dishes to the Daily Mail, saying, “It seems like they’re very happy and very in love….It’s very new, but they have history and they’re posting about each other a lot….Miley is posting a lot [on social media] and so is Cody, so it seems serious.”

October 13, 2019

Cody tells People that dating Miley isn’t a “sudden” thing—despite the fact that it most definitely is! Ya know, considering she was married two months ago!

He also implies that Miley is, in fact, his girlfriend, saying, “Any girlfriends I’ve had in the past has always been immediate romance and so it’s a different experience having been friends with somebody before and it developing naturally into something more.”

October 14, 2019

Miley gets called out for using the exact same Instagram filter on pics of Cody as she did on pics of Liam and Kaitlynn. And yep, she responds:

https://www.instagram.com/p/B3nhClWFop2/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading

A post shared by Comments By Celebs (@commentsbycelebs)

October 14, 2019, again

Miley and Cody touch tongues (ew, a thousand apologies for the mental image) while wearing Joker mask filters in a video that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Or at the very least, the rest of this day.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B3l5J7sF5eS/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading

A post shared by Miley Cyrus ♡ (@mileysteamtr)

October 16, 2019

Cody implies that he’s already moved in with Miley, taking it to Instagram to tell his followers that it’s “move-in day.” Naturally, people speculate (as a reminder, they’ve been together for, like, 14 days at this point).

October 17, 2019

Miley and Cody get tattoos together. Which, honestly, whatevs, Miley’s constantly getting tatted, so!

October 18, 2019

Between PDA sessions that have forever blinded me, Cody drops an entire freakin’ song about Miley called “Golden Thing.” And yes, the single art is literally a picture of her.

October 21, 2019

Miley posts a ’gram with her hand down Cody’s pants and no one can deal, least of all what remains of my vision:

October 21, 2019, again

Miley and Cody go live on Instagram, and between a total love fest, Miley manages to say some pretty problematic things.

No, no one knows what you mean, Miley! Anyway, she later apologizes, saying, “I was talking shit about sucky guys, but let me be clear: YOU don’t CHOOSE your sexuality. You are born as you are. It has always been my priority to protect the LGBTQ community I am a part of. Happy Monday!”

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