• Sun. Oct 24th, 2021

Stephen Colbert Projects Joe Biden Is Still President

Sep 28, 2021

Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.

The Biggest Loser

Stephen Colbert was happy on Monday night to project that Joseph R. Biden Jr. is still president 11 months after the election, following a Republican-led audit in Arizona’s largest county that confirmed that President Biden not only beat Donald J. Trump, but by a larger margin than previously counted.

“He really did get tired of winning!” Colbert said of Trump.

“So Trump and the Arizona G.O.P. were humiliated after they spent millions to hire a group of right-wing tech weirdos called the Cyber Ninjas, which sounds like an off-brand action figure your grandma would buy you at the Dollar Store.” — SETH MEYERS

“And turns out, not only did the Ninjas find ‘no substantial differences’ between their tally and the official count, they actually found 99 more votes for Biden and 261 fewer for Donald Trump. I would have loved to have been there when they broke that news to him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Maybe Trump and the G.O.P. will just have to keep bringing in crazier right-wing groups with dumber and dumber names until they finally get the results they want, like the Robo Rockets or the Digi Pirates or the Crypto Cowboys.” — SETH MEYERS

“So they hired MAGA fans and even they couldn’t say that No. 45 won. That’s like hiring your mom to judge the handsomest boy contest and still losing to a 78-year-old guy from Delaware.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Punchiest Punchlines (Bearing Arms Edition)

“Well, guys, this afternoon President Biden received his Covid booster shot on camera, in front of reporters. When they offered Biden the booster, he said, ‘I’ll take one in my arm and another for my approval rating.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“This comes just a few days after both the F.D.A. and C.D.C. approved it. How did Biden get to the front of that line? I reckon he knows someone.” — JAMES CORDEN

“The actual shot only took a second, and then Joe Biden spent 10 minutes haggling over which flavor lollipop he could have.” — JAMES CORDEN

“The good news is, it should give President Biden the all-clear to join the Brooklyn Nets for the start of the N.B.A. season, so you’ve got that to look forward to.” — JAMES CORDEN

The Bits Worth Watching

On “The Daily Show,” Roy Wood Jr. portrayed Francis Scott Key while breaking down Key’s iconic banger, “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night

Gabrielle Union will appear on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”

Also, Check This Out

Beck Bennett, known for his impersonations of Wolf Blitzer and Mike Pence on “Saturday Night Live,” will exit the show after eight years.

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