DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD a mind-blowing fling with a gorgeous woman but I messed her around.
Now I am free to be with her but she says she can’t trust me. I can’t stop thinking about her.
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I first met her when I was still in a relationship. That had started well and we were happy until the rows began and I got to hate being at home.
I started chatting to this girl in the gym café a year ago. She was sympathetic when I let off steam, she made me smile and I would count the hours until I could see her again.
She was reluctant to get into a relationship with me because she knew I was still with my partner, but one night we walked back to the car park together and carried on chatting sat in my car.
Suddenly she leaned across and kissed me and we both knew we wanted one another.
We are not kids. I am 31 and she’s 28. I went round to her place the next night and we had a fantastic evening, which ended up with us having sex.
It was every bit as great as I had imagined it would be. We met a few more times but then she made it clear she wouldn’t be some casual fling I had while I was with my ex.
I was so messed up in my head then I reacted badly and let her go. I stopped replying to her texts and didn’t return her calls.
But it got no better with my then-partner and six months later I cheated again.
This time I knew I had to leave her. Our relationship was over. I had counselling to sort myself out and it helped. Now I know what I want — and it’s the woman I fell for at the gym.
We still see one another at the gym occasionally. She agreed to have a coffee with me last week.
We had a long talk and agreed we have strong feelings for one another but she said she won’t get into a relationship with me now because she feels she can never trust me again.
I do understand — but how can I make her see I am serious about her and not the same man I was in the past?
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DEIDRE SAYS: She must have felt very bruised when she’d had sex with you after listening to all your woes about your partner – only for you to then reject her.
All you can do is say your feelings about her are serious and you are willing to be patient.
Ask if you can see her as a friend to start with so you can work on rebuilding her trust.
Clearly she will not be a pushover this time around and you will have to be patient.
But maybe set yourself a time limit. If she has not agreed to a relationship within six months, best for you to move on.
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