DEAR DEIDRE: MY children have got polar opposite views about whether I should divorce their father.

They have been through so much – and so have I. We have been married for 28 years and I feel that the past two years have been nothing but a lie.


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He has been having an affair with a young woman of 27, which he insists is over now. He is 53 and I am 51. Our son of 18 wants us to stay together whatever. But our 22-year-old son thinks his dad should rot in hell.

The woman is a colleague and if she leaves her husband, her partner will be homeless because she is the one who owns their property.

He doesn’t know about their affair but is aware their relationship is unstable. My husband continues to live with us but we are in separate bedrooms. I can’t even look at him right now.

He said he can’t live with her and that he doesn’t love her. But I’m not sure about that. Do I take him back?

DEIDRE SAYS: Your marriage is not your children’s relationship – it’s yours. The boys are old enough to know that relationships hit a crisis sometimes.

They will leave home before too long so you must do what is right for you. Do not make any rash decisions.

Your husband will have to grovel but insist you get some clarity by talking to a counsellor at Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960) who have online help available.

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