Student, 21, reveals she attempted to take her own life just FIVE days before this beaming photograph was taken as she says ‘suicide doesn’t have a look’

  • Student Eluned Anderson, known as Ellie, of Cardiff, shared the image to Twitter 
  • It showed Ellie, 21, looking the picture of happiness as she smiles at the camera 
  • But she captioned it: ‘I attempted suicide five days before this photo was taken’ 

A student has revealed she tried to take her own life five days before a photograph of her appearing exceedingly happy was taken – as she aims to prove that ‘suicide doesn’t have a look’.

Eluned Anderson, known as Ellie, from Cardiff, shared the image to Twitter recently, showing herself looking the picture of happiness as she smiles at the camera.  

She was enjoying a romantic dinner in Birmingham with her boyfriend to celebrate their two-year anniversary last October. 

But the 21-year-old captioned the image: ‘I attempted suicide five days before this photo was taken. Suicide doesn’t have a look.’

Ellie had locked herself in her room at her university halls in Liverpool and considered ending her life for a second time, having first attempted to aged just 13 after a traumatic childhood.

Eluned Anderson, known as Ellie, has revealed she tried to take her own life five days before a photograph (pictured) of her appearing exceedingly happy was taken – as she aims to prove that ‘suicide doesn’t have a look’

Ellie, from Cardiff, shared the image to Twitter (above) recently, showing herself looking the picture of happiness as she smiles at the camera

‘I was going through a really difficult period,’ she said. ‘Things took a turn for the worse in October last year and I’d had a lot of abuse online. 

‘I’d had messages on Twitter telling me to kill myself and one man sent me three messages detailing exactly how he would rape me.

‘It was incredibly rash and it took all my might to tell myself that this was wrong and I shouldn’t go through with my plan. Really what stopped me was the thought of my loved ones.

‘All these things came to me and I was so ashamed and I hid in bed. I was in my own head for a few days.’

Ellie also turned to self-harm. And yet, by the end of the week, on November 3, Ellie had put a mask on and headed out to dinner as if nothing was wrong.

The student (pictured) was enjoying a romantic dinner in Birmingham with her boyfriend to celebrate their two-year anniversary last October

‘We were taught that we couldn’t tell anyone about what was happening at home when we were young,’ she said. ‘I had to learn to put on a mask because what’s the alternative? 

I had to put on a smile, put on a dress and put on some make-up. Because the alternative is depression and to not be here.

‘It’s always easier to give up or stay in bed and there are days when I do hide away, but the majority of the time I’m facing the world with a smile.’    

Ellie admitted she had a traumatic childhood. She is close to her two sisters and her father, who she says brought her up, but estranged from her mother.

Her suicidal feelings in October 2020 were the second time she had thought about ending her life. The first was when she was just 13 years old.

But the 21-year-old (pictured) captioned the image: ‘I attempted suicide five days before this photo was taken. Suicide doesn’t have a look.’

She said her suicide attempt as a child didn’t work and she didn’t tell anyone about what she had done and carried on as normal.

Ellie, a third year student at Liverpool University, was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder during her first year of studies and is on medication and has weekly counselling sessions to help her manage her condition. 

After uploading her image to Twitter, Ellie said she received several messages commenting on her appearance, rather than focusing on mental health, which she said was a sad reflection of society.

The student shared her story following claims made by Meghan Markle in her bombshell Oprah interview, with the Duchess of Sussex, 39, speaking about her thoughts of suicide and how she felt a lack of support from the Royal Family. 

Ellie wanted to challenge those who questioned the validity of Meghan’s words, as she said she noticed people had a preconceived idea of what those struggling with their mental health should look like.   

Ellie (pictured) had locked herself in her room at her university halls in Liverpool and considered ending her life for a second time, having first attempted to aged just 13 after a traumatic childhood

‘People have this image of what mental health looks like,’ Ellie, who started an internship as a parliamentary assistant earlier this year, said. ‘My mental health is juxtaposed with my personality.

‘On the outside, I’m a confident and opinionated woman and yet there are days where I can’t face the world. You never know what’s going on behind the mask or behind closed doors.’

While we’ve come a long way in talking about mental health issues, they are still stigmatised and considered taboo, Ellie said.

‘I was terrified of getting a diagnosis because of the stigma around it,’ Ellie admitted. ‘I was terrified for years about what I was facing in my mind every day. 

‘Getting the diagnosis in 2019 was a relief and it’s taken a while to come to the realisation that getting help isn’t anything anyone should be afraid of.

‘For me, I’m very prepared to be open and honest about my trauma and experiences but I understand for a lot of people that’s not an option.

‘I hope I can show them that it’s okay and whatever battle they are facing, others are too. If I can put my little story forward in the world and help just one person, then I’ll be happy,’ she added. 

If you have been affected by this story, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org 

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