LYING in bed unconscious, Danniella Westbrook was shaken awake by her terrified teenage son, who feared she’d died from a drugs overdose.
Tragically, the former EastEnders star , who was terrifyingly fragile and weighed just six-and-a-half stone, started every day this way.
Despite desperate pleas from her children to get help, the mum-of-two refused. Instead, she used all the strength she had left to get her next fix.
Her coke addiction was so severe and made her look so dreadful that her son was forced to check she hadn't died every single morning.
The depressing cycle of drug abuse, including 12 years sobriety before her relapse in 2014, meant there were times Danniella felt death was the only option.
Now 45 and five months clean, Danniella is determined to kick the crippling habit for good and confesses: “I’ve got another relapse in me, but I don’t have another recovery."
“It’s do or die for me. I know I’m one relapse away from dying.”
Danniella has been hooked on drugs since she was 14 after shooting to fame as Sam Mitchell in EastEnders.
She went onto spend £250,000 on the habit, and was so hooked she even admitted taking up to 5g of cocaine a day when pregnant with her son Kai – and even took the drug during labour.
Unable to escape her addiction after he was born, she asked social services to take her baby away from her.
Speaking on the Jeremy Kyle show she confessed: “I could have killed him yeah, and my daughter when I was pregnant with her.
“I tried for years to make it up to them by buying them things."
She was later diagnosed as bi-polar, and deemed to be suffering from episodes of psychosis. Danniella says she began using cocaine to cope with her mental health issues, but mixing it with her medication proved catastrophic.
Danniella abused cocaine so badly that her septum – the cartilage that separates the two nostrils – fell out.
Photographs of her collapsed nose were splashed across the papers, as a very visible warning about the dangers of drug abuse.
She had surgery to repair her nose in 2000 and managed to kick the destructive habit when she was 28 after going to rehab in Arizona. Happily married to then-husband Kevin, Danniella managed to stay clean for 11 years.
Sadly she fell off the wagon in 2017, turning to cocaine to cope with the pain caused by botched dental surgery.
"I was dabbing cocaine around my mouth and rubbing it in to numb the pain," she said. "I had three operations in seven weeks. I'm an addict and the wheels fell off."
Danniella was consumed by shame, and only a trip to the much-maligned Jeremy Kyle show forced her to face her demons once and for all and go to rehab.
Backing The Sun Online’s End Of The Line campaign today as she reflects on her year from hell, Danniella said: “If Jeremy hadn’t reached out to me I would be dead.
“When he saw me for the first time out of rehab he had tears in his eyes. I told him he’d saved my life.
“I was six and a half stone. I didn’t realise how bad I was. I looked like a 70-year-old woman – like I was already dead.
“Cocaine ruined my life. It hurt my health and stripped me of my personality and my self-respect and self-worth.
“When I was in the throes of addiction, nothing could stop me. I would have passed a lie detector test to say I won’t take drugs today, but then in the same breath be on the phone to a dealer.
“All I cared about was drugs. I was just constantly trying to get money. It wasn’t about putting food on the table, it was all about getting drugs.
“I couldn’t see a way out. I thought the only way out was death. I would wake up in the afternoon and think if I got through until 6pm without using I’d be doing well.
“I thought about killing myself many times. I even tried suicide, last year. I felt like I’d done so much damage to my kids that they deserved better than to be tied to me as a mother.
“I kept thinking I didn’t want to live any longer.”
Source: Read Full Article